Some bad science jokes

programmingthomas:

I was wondering the internet the other day and put together this list, but I’ve only just remembered I made it. Here are my top bad science jokes.

“Light travels faster than sound… which is why most people appear brilliant until you hear them.”

“Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.”

“Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.”

“The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines black holes as what you get in black socks.”

“What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.”

“What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe”

“It is reported that Copernicus’ parents said the following to him at the age of twelve: “Copernicus, young man, when are you going to come to terms with the fact that the world does not revolve around you.”“

“The bad news is that the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Amoebas is shrinking. The good news is that none of the amoebas has lost any of their members.”

“Confucius’s once said, “When you breathe, you inspire, and when you do not breathe, you expire.” “

“At NIH (National Institute of Health), there is a sign on the door of a microbiology lab that reads “STAPH ONLY!”“

“Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, “I’m positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them.”“

“A neutron walked into a bar and asked, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, no charge.”“

Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?

Anything that doesn’t matter has no mass.